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They’re hip, chic and high profile: Celebrity stepmoms Sandra Bullocks and Catherine Zeta-Jones are among the ranks of stepmoms who are kicking the stepmom stereotypes to the curb.
Bullocks was quoted on Fame Crawler saying her love and her hope for her husband's kids and their happiness were no less than if they were her own biological children. And she felt some higher power put the them in her path.
She was also quoted on OK Magazine as saying she didn’t see the difference in having blood-related kids or children who come with your husband.
My sentiments exactly: go Sandra.
According to a story in Wales Online and Mail Online, Michael Douglas’s eldest son Cameron says Catherine Zeta-Jones is not an evil stepmom and is the one that has cemented the family together. Cameron went on to say that Catherine is someone who puts family above everything else.
My kudos Catherine.
My search for answers to help my family with our challenges led me to an article about the different integration styles of stepfamilies. The author highlights the different styles as:I love to cook so this analogy struck a cord with me. My family’s integration isn’t the Blender type as our personalities are too strong to be whipped together. We’re not the Food Processor type either. We all understand that it takes time for acceptance. Cutting and chopping traditions wouldn’t work for us. We decided that we’d make our own traditions; not better ones, just different ones. At first I thought our style might be Microwave because we don’t like to be referred to as a “stepfamily” and it does make us feel second-rate; must be a societal thing. I will not invalidate our feelings about that. However, the Microwave style wasn’t a good fit either. My husband and I realized that there would never be a rapid acceptance of me or our marriage on either child’s part. We knew that his son would have an easier integration due to his age: the daughter would be difficult. My son was 10 and it was totally his idea to call me mom. We never even suggested it. We just make sure that he doesn’t refer to me as “mom” in his bio-mom's presence. The daughter calls me by my first name and that is perfectly okay. We are always aware that our family dynamic is different; aren’t they all?The Pressure Cooker was definitely not our style either. The Pressure Cooker integration style puts family rituals, values and preferences under pressure to meld together completely. This would never work with the personalities in my family. The resultant explosion would have taken out the street.The Tossed type wasn’t even close to our situation. I have no kids of my own which makes things a bit easier and the bio-mom rarely asks to have her son spend time with her.Now the Crockpot seems more like what my husband and I practice; low heat over time. We never forced the kids to love me or accept me. We did demand respect. I’m very lucky. I married a wise man who recognized and acknowledged his kids’ emotional and psychological attachment to their bio-mom and never forced them to change it.Ron Deal, the author of the article I‘m referencing, says the Crockpot style works best. I’m glad to know that our decision is a good one.My family is a work-in-progress. Have we made mistakes? HELL YEAH! I have a long list that are just mine. This site coupled with the research I’m doing is helping me to determine ways to fix what can be fixed and just accept what can‘t be. I’m comfortable with the idea that “stepfamily” is a transition term until the individuals involved unite as a “family.” Does everyone in the stepfamily integrate? Unfortunately, I don’t think so.
I have a great site to recommend: The Step Family Letter Project. The site has letters written anonymously by bio-moms, husbands, ex’s, stepkids and of course stepmoms. The anonymity of the site has given the letter writers an opportunity to say things they might otherwise have kept bottled up inside. There are messages filled with anger, pain, resentment, sadness and regret. However, there are some surprisingly deeply heartfelt letters of love and appreciation.The Web site was the brain-child of two friends: Jacquelyn Fletcher and Erin Erickson.Fletcher is a stepmom of three children and a mother of one. She is also the author of, “A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom,” and she publishes the blog www.becomingastepmom.com. Erickson is a stepmom to two children. Her personal blog is The Erin Experiment . And she's also the creator of Stepchicks, an online community for stepmoms and soon-to-be stepmoms.
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