Congratulations! It’s a boy!

You know you’re raising a boy when:

1. he will trade almost anything--- his sister’s stuff, his sister, your stuff or hundreds of dollars of the technology you bought him. I did say he’d trade ANYTHING;

2. they’re hard on clothes, furniture, dishes, the cats and your nerves;

3. they will grab the closest thing to wipe up a spill. The most likely candidate to be used is anything white. When they need to mop up the grape juice they spilled or the mustard they splattered you know it will be their new white gym socks they just happen to have in their hand or the dishtowel. And the paper towels, will of course, be closer and also the better choice;

4. they’ll try to ride their skateboards through the dining room and kitchen then out the back door. They’ll slide down a metal railing on their boards and belly flop onto the concrete because it’s thrilling even though both habits might result in their untimely deaths;

5. they think scars are cool;

6. they find opening their mouths showing you their chewed food extremely funny --- especially when you start gagging;

7. they’ll hold you down so you can’t escape when they drop a silent-but-deadly. And this doesn’t change as they age;

8. you can’t find any butter knives because your little one needed a screwdriver;

9. they hold up your bra or your daughter’s bra in a Laundromat and loudly announce --- you really wear this?

10. he’ll laugh so hard he can hardly breath when he hears you scream after you sit down on a cold wet toilet seat for the umpteenth time;

11. he never seems to be full;

12. school work is evil and he’s writing a book of excuses on why homework’s not done, open-book tests are difficult yada yada yada;

14. he’s fascinated with your first-aide kit and uses all the bandages for one microscopic cut and the roll of gauze is used to make a cool mummy costume;

15. cleaning up their room means moving the furniture around;

16. they can’t figure out what a hanger is for even though you’ve shown them
many times;

17. the closet is really a fort or secret hideout and the only clothes in it are the ones on the floor;

18. under the bed is the best place to hide all the dishes, candy wrappers, potato chip bags, dirty underwear etc.;

19. the laundry basket is always empty but right beside it lay dirty clothes;

20. they tell you they do some things just to watch your head spin 360 degrees;

21. they’re uncoordinated and klutzy because their bodies are changing so fast they don’t know they’re own strength yet;

22. they break into their piggy bank to buy you a single long-stemmed rose for Valentines Day because dad won’t be home to celebrate it with you;

23. they have unlimited energy except in the mornings during the school week or when chores need to be done;

24. they spend hours coloring a note that reads, “To the Best Mom Ever” and getting them to spend 5 mins. on homework is a hellacious experience.

Congratulations, it’s a boy. And you wouldn’t trade him for the world.