Your Label Does Not Define Me And Mine

I’ve always had problems wrapping my mind around the idea of the “Stepfamily.” I’ve had difficulty referring to my husband’s kids as my “stepchildren,” and I never refer to my husband as my “second” husband. I introduce them as “my family”, or “my husband.”

I’ve wracked my brain for the reasons I was having this problem differentiating between “family” and “stepfamily.” At first I thought it might have been my ego and I was just being prideful. I’m acutely aware that I am not the childrens’ bio-mother although I treat the kids like my own. The older daughter doesn’t live with us and hasn’t really accepted me, but that’s another story.

There have been many times I’ve been introduced to moms who immediately tell me that they are the “stepmom” or “second” wife and point out the “stepkids” from “their” kids. They’ve gone as far as pointing out which ones are “his, mine and ours” and we had just met. This always leaves me with a strange sensation in the pit of my stomach when I watch the kids’ faces as each is assigned to “their group.” I’ve never intentionally told anyone that my son is not my biological child: I see no need. I’m fortunate that the “bio-mom” doesn’t live close to us and the chances of an accidental meeting are nonexistent.

I’ve finally figured out my problem: my mind interprets the word “step” as something “less than.” I am not “less than” and no one in my family is “less than” hence my difficulty. When my mind sees the word “step” in front of “mom” or “kid” it makes me so uncomfortable that I purposely leave no space between the words; even when it means I have to keep removing the space due to the auto correct. To me that space between represents a great divide that one has to leap across to make contact with the “other” side.